I have my exams starting from day after tomorrow. And I have been staring at the definition of Industrial Engineering for some 15 minutes now, neither trying to understand what it meant nor making an attempt to rote the same. Somehow I am not able to concentrate on the study part right now, or may I am too relaxed about everything since the 11th hour is yet to arrive.

I have been an over confident and careless student through and through when it comes to exams, but the situation right now is not the very same. This was the same way I used to go about my preparation during my B.Tech as I have been doing in my MBA. But there is a whole lot of difference amidst the two. Unlike my engineering, I am not undervaluing the essence of studies right now. I very well know that it’s not going to work the same way and carelessness is a big NO right now. But then there has been a thing I have been following all my life and I am really proud that I have managed to maintain it till now, in spite of all the hiccups, road breakers and peaks and valleys I have encountered so far. And that is doing what I want to do. Somehow I am not convinced by the idea of looking into the “bigger” benefits of future to ignore the “little” benefits that you get today. I know many of the people would not agree by my point of view but that is how it works with me right now. The voice of my heart still comes before what my mind has to say.

I have already entered the professional world but still there is a long way to go before I turn professional. I don’t know whether it’s a good thing or not but still I would like to live a few years of “unprofessional”  life, doing what I really want to do, not weighing it’s advantages and disadvantages, not analyzing the “opportunity cost” of each and everything and foremost of all, not letting the worry of future ruin my present. There is a phrase from the Latin poem by Horace – “CARPE DIEM” , meaning “seize the day”, and don’t I follow the same? Certainly I do.

Life is not about placements. Life is not about grades. Life is not about following an algorithm, going the same way round and round, doing what you are supposed to do, trying to attain perfectionism by adopting several measures that has been laid down in the rule books by the gentlemen whose name are sought for examples at every other place. S for Success and S for Satisfaction. Neither of them exactly guarantee the achievement of other. I see a whole lot of successful people trying to find out the reason why they are living for. And if I have to choose between one of the two S, I would surely go for the latter. Few people ask me what is the goal of your life? I don’t really know how should I answer this question. There ain’t any particular goal to your life. Life is about the little things that make you happy. The little things that bring smile on the face of your dear ones. Life is about the other beautiful lives that are linked with yours. Life is about living every day like it was your last. You can never predict what can happen to you the very next second can you?…

Try everything in your life, even if it appears totally absurd. Do weird things, the one you never thought you would do. Be a spendthrift, don’t think a lot before buying something you wish you possess. At least till the time your life is independent. In a few years from now you would be married and then your life will not be completely yours. You would have to start living for others more than for yourself. At that time would you want to look back at your life and regret of not doing something you wished to do?? I suppose not.

Trying to find a gist of everything I do. Trying to find a reason behind attaching myself to few people so much like they are an integral part of yourself. Trying to reason out few completely insane things that I have done all my life. An when I come to think of it, I realize that the reason I do everything is that I am very very selfish. These small things give me happiness. And when I say “small”  I say it in relation to the standards that have been laid by this success driven society. For me these things are “huge”. And I sincerely pray to God that they remain the same forever. 

Hey folks … Look who is back …    … Missed me all this while ???? … C’mon speak up …… lol .. So I am going to presume that you did miss me ….

Okay .. Enough of prating … There was a reason behind my absence for so long ( though I kept apparating back and forth at fixed intervals ) …. I was , somehow , under the impression that I need to alienate myself from anything and everything that could act as a means of distraction in the so called laborious process I was undergoing …. But its better to live a short life on an island than die a centurion in a cave …. Thanks to some serious advice I was given , I have understood  that in order to taste the success , I need to love the process … the every tit and bit of it … the very gist of it … and stop treating it as a burden rather than something engrossing …. And guess who was the one behind this golden advice …. None other than my alter ego … 

So here I am … Many things have changed since we last met … This interval was nothing different from the usual “Life” … Marked by many ups and downs … Peaks and valleys all the way through … Many faces unveiled … Many misconceptions cleared … And most importantly , a hell lot of new people in my life ( yes you , all of my “bootcamp” friends ) …

Once out of the school , I never thought I would experience any such thing as Summer Camp ( though the CL faculty termed it as a “Boot Camp” ) … The classes were scheduled from 9 to 7 .. for 21 days( I know that makes you say things like OMG and WTFH .. ) … Same was my reaction … How the hell these 21 days will pass …. Jai sir had a logic behind all this … According to some XYZ medical research , if you do a particular thing for 21 days in continuum , it becomes your habit …. And obviously , he was trying to assimilate this stuff called “studies” into our routine … Fair enough ..!!!

As it turned out , I never knew how these 21 days flew away … very much like everything , it ended before it hardly started … Amidst the quantitative aptitude , we were adding up the people in our friends list ( not virtual , but real ) …. Amidst all the verbal ability , we were having the time of our life interacting with each other …. On one hand , we were inculcating the basic skills required for interpreting data , and on the other , we were mocking away all our worries in air … The logical reasoning never appeared to be so logical until then ….. Learning can be fun .. yes it can surely be .. And this is what Jai sir knew perfectly well …. He knew , all the way , what he was doing and boy did he do it well …!!!!!

The process which appeared to be intolerable at the inception , turned out to be a roller coaster ride in the end …. A ride with a lot of twists and turns … Twist was when I found out that I have a crush on someone … Turn was when , later , I discovered that she was already in a relationship ( :heartbreak:    ) …. And guess what … One of my batchmates bet on the fact that I would not skip coaching even if someone offered me a free movie …. lol … Turned out that she lost the bet and I won a free tour to the nearby theater .. Looks can be quite deceptive you see …. I might fare well in the tests but that doesn’t go ( by a long way ) to show that I am a book worm ( though I admit that I was one , once ) …. Anyways , a free movie is a free movie … Lady Luck … Keep showering these fortunes over me ..

Now on a serious note …. CAT is approaching … and that too very fast …. There is a positive plus a negative aspect about my preparation , as of right now  …. The negative aspect is that I am lagging behind in few areas … And the positive aspect … The positive aspect is that I know that I am lagging behind in few areas    …. I just need to buck up and see it through right until the very end …. Its a hard nut crack … But some things in life come without a shortcut , this being the one  …

Just a while back I was chatting with one of my school mates after a long time . Infact , I was chatting with her for the first time . We were in the same class for many years , yet we never talked to each other . And two years after school , we were talking like the best of friends meeting after a long time .

Amidst all the conversation a question she threw at me forced me into some thinking . She asked ,” Why you never talked to me in school ? Was I so bad ? ” . I kept searching for words , but didn’t find any . In the end , I threw the same question back at her . She instantaneously replied ,” Because I thought you were a very reserved person and don’t hold any interest in socializing . Plus , you looked so full of yourself and your ego .”

I was shell shocked to hear this . This was the very same reason I never tried to strike a conversation with her in my school days . After we talked for some time I realized that she was miles away from what I thought her to be .

It is nothing more than ” Let him/her approach first ” type of thinking which prevent us from interacting with few people . The result being us conjuring a completely false image about the other’s attitude .  We never talk to each other because we are not sure whether the other is interested in talking to us or not . And in the end , we end up being complete strangers to each other . Who knows we could have been great friends .

Going back in time , I remember quite a few faces I never really put an effort to start a friendship with . When I look at the “acquaintances” list of my life , there are quite a few people who could have so easily been in the “friends” list , or even in “good friend” and “best friend” list .

This may be  just a chat with one of my old class mate , who has now moved from my “acquaintance” list to the “good friends” . But this has caused me to repent for what I have not done . The person on the other side of the line might have been waiting for me to take the first step . I would have been blessed with a much much larger friends circle had I not hesitated , had I approached them .

Better late than never . Its time to Return to the Past . I am going to search for quite a few names now ( on Orkut , Facebook , Google … anywhere and everywhere )