As I sat there in the class
I thought about the girl that appeared constantly in my dreams .
Her thoughts haunted me in my dreams
Yet I wished for those nightmares to never end .
I loved this girl beyond any limits
and I hated her for being a part of me .
How much I wished to be with her again .
How much I wished that she was rubbed out of my life .

The phone rang last night .
She was in tears , mumbling on and on about how rude I had been not to pick up her call .
I told her that I was still alive
And my life was still the same as it was when I was with her .
She was not satisfied and wanted to make it sure , and I was forced to make a promise , a promise to meet her , once , for a last time

We were sitting in front of each other .
It had been a long long time since that “Its time to move on” thing was pierced into my chest .
She said the same stuff again and again .
“Swear by my name that you will stop killing yourself . Promise .. Just make the damn promise and stop making me feeling guilty every passing minute .”
And every statement of her was accompanied by the most fierce weapon of her … Tears ….

Throughout , I sat there , a mute spectator .
On one hand , I was there , awestruck just to see her once again .
On the other , I was confused as to what the stranger in front of me was trying to convey .

Finally we wished each other goodbye .
She assured me that this one was the final and she won’t bug me ever again .
I so much wished to tell her how grateful I would be to be bugged .
But the words failed , as they always do when most needed .

My heart knew that she had a heartbreak .
She needed a shoulder to rest her head upon and cry , she wanted someone to wipe away her tears , to make her feel special once again .
And in this whole world , she turned to her best friend , hoping once again to find the caring she was so habituated to .

But I was no help whatsoever .
I didn’t know what to say , I didn’t know what to do , I didn’t know the girl that was sitting in front of me .
I know that all the while she was walking away from me , she was hoping for a voice to summon her back , a voice that never came .

I was broken , I was withered with time . I was too weak to give her any strength .
I could not muster up enough courage to call her back into my life .
The pessimist , which has slowly but surely replace the optimist in me , prohibited me to hope for anything better .
And she went . And this time , never to come back .

I was sitting in front of my system . I took care to Shift + Delete everything that was minutely related to her .
My heart blamed me of being so insensitive . My brain said that this was what she deserved .

I was so confident that this would end up everything .
I was so confident that everything will end up on a positive note .
And I actually started to believe it . I started believing that this was the best thing that could have happened .
But you know what ?? This was not the best thing , not by far . Another chapter has been created now . And I seriously don’t know how to deal with it .

Love : a feeling so sacred & divine …… so pure & intense …… so heavenly & personal ….. yet the need of the hour has compelled us to question its viability as a selfless one.Our society has undergone massive changes from the time when love used to be a feeling not a commodity.But none of these changes can justify the absence of the “selfless” texture of love.

Love stories like that of Romeo-Juliet,Soni- Mahiwal,Heer-Raanjha,Laila-Majnu are simply stories in the context of the scenario we are living in.If any of these pairs existed today Romeo’s love would have been influenced by a lot many factors like Juliet’s financial,professional,intellectual status that could compliment Romeo’s social standing.This conclusion that I have drawn is purely imaginary because the task to estimate the impact of today’s professionalism on the people whose love has unanimously been marked “eternal” is herculean.

The form of love that has been considered the most selfless and sacred has also been put to test in this era that we denote by the name:Kalyug …. the name that itself provides an indication of the significance of feelings like love.It was the mother’s love which was believed to be much more than a profit and loss statement,which never knew the meaning of benefits,which only knew giving,which was considered next or almost equivalent to God’s own blessings.But how frequently now we come across the incidents of mothers brutally murdering their own children for the sake of money,property or any materialistic affair.When this form of love has lost its selfless texture what can one expect from the other forms.

Lets talk about our own generation.What promises and commitments we make to the girls we wish to woo.We convince them that we are ready to deliver every bit that is required to prove our love as the one that is different from all others but the bitter reality is that we simply do all that to get that girl and forget everything that we promised as soon as the girl is officially ours and no matter how hard i try i simply don’t find any thing as selfless in this process.

All that i have stated in this post is a generalization of the things that i see around,incidents that i come across and conclusions that i have drawn …. Many readers may not agree with my verdict as they may feel that they are the carrier of self less love but deep down within each one of them knows that the certain element of truth that this article portrays cannot be neglected or put aside.I wouldn’t provide you with the suggestion or motivation of turning things upside down but I would seriously wish for the things to change and what a great sense of satisfaction it would be if i would be able to bring about one by this post…..Wishing you a selfless love ….. forever !!!!!!

*Beep Beep*

I was pulled out of my dreams by the familiar bugging tone of my cell phone . “Who would have text me so late in the night?”  Irked by the event , I pulled myself up . My mind was formulating an angry reply while I opened my inbox . But my emotions suddenly took a U-turn . My anger was replaced by surprise , irritation was substituted for disbelief . The number that flashed in front of my eyes could not have been real . I wondered if I was still dreaming . I had managed to wipe all the associates of this number out of my life . But it was there . Right in front of my eyes . Back from that hollow chamber of hopelessness . . . . . . . . . . .

I still remember that first day when I saw her . Its been over half a decade since that day but I still remember it like it was yesterday . I never believed until that moment that something like “Love at first sight” does exist . I was sitting in that boring chemistry lecture . Although it was my first day , and it had only been 10 minutes to the start of the class , I felt like throwing aside my chair and running out of the building in quest of some fresh air . Just when I was at the verge of being choked to death , she entered the class . That girl came right out of my dreams .

She covered the entire range of the class and took the seat next to me . She loved to talk and talk and talk . The first 10 minutes of the class took a century to tick by while the next 2 hours passed by in a ziffy . Throughout the class she kept cursing her watch , the traffic and the stupid timing of the class . She found a very good listener in me who would listen to all her speech without interrupting , without asking any questions , but only marveling at the perfect way she spoke . She made a point to inquire after every interval , ” I hope I am not disturbing you ” . I wished to reply ” Are you kidding me ? I can sit here for the rest of my life as an audience to you ” , but my response was limited to a mere shake of head .

Everything happens for a reason . And may be the reason I was sent to this class was something apart from studies ,  to meet this angel . I could not sleep that night . How much I wanted to be back in that class again . How much  I wanted to sit next to her listening to her fascinating talks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Days passed by . I had attended almost 20 chemistry classes but had no idea even about the syllabus being covered . The assignments were piling up , acids were being spilled and a new chapter was being added to the book of my life . The life was a fairy tale to her . She found a reason behind everything that happened . I have never met an optimist like her in my life . She used to tell me about her family , how much was his brother jealous when she was praised , how much she cried when his pet dog expired , how much did the exams haunted her in the dreams . And I used to listen to her patiently , as always .

She shared every tiny bit of her life with me in the one year that passed by . When I used to look back at the class , I hardly recognized anyone sitting in the class ( except the lecturer ofcourse ) . Not a surprise . Afterall , during that one year , I made only one friend . And we were more than a friend by then . And most , infact all credit goes to her for this relationship . I had always been the jerk who would shy away at the very sight of a girl , let apart striking a conversation .  She was the reason I was not the same book-worm as I had been one year back . She was the reason I was not piling up all the tension in my mind anymore . She was the reason I was seeing the world in a different way . I was now seeing the world through her eyes , which was a lot jubilant and colorful than my previous black an white life . . . . . .. . . . . . . .

I was very angry at myself . Why was I not able to muster up the courage ? Why I have to be such a coward ? I was afraid . I was afraid to lose her . I was afraid to lose her friendship . Well she always said ” Listen to your heart and not your brain . Heart gives courage and Brain generates fear ” . I decided to go by my heart this time . It was her birthday .  She asked me ” So Mr. Einstein , what gift should I expect this time” . My reply was not scripted . It came instantly , from within me ” My heart ” . ” Stupid , It took you so long to say that . How much was I waiting for this day ” . She had tears in her eyes when she said this . I could not ask God to give me anything more . I had all my wishes fulfilled .

Those last three years had been unimaginable . I was living in the dream world that she had created for me . I could have done anything for her . That day she asked me whether I would do her a little favor . I could have gave away even my life to her and she was asking for a little favor . She asked for my word . I gave it . What could she have asked for ?? I would have done everything I could have to hold her wish fulfilled . . . . . . . . . . . . .

She asked me to go away from her life and never try to contact her by any means . Those words were like someone thrusted a hot metal in my chest . I was standing there , in front of her , shocked . My eyes transfixed at her face . The face which was so sweet that it could not have possibly said anything so unreasonable . I wanted to say many things . My brain asked me to question her , to ask her what happened , to ask her to tell that she was joking . But my heart said something else . My heart didn’t knew what to speak , how to react . She always said always listen to your heart . I did the same . I nodded . I promised . I walked away . Once again , she had tears in her eyes and my heart surrendered instantly to that weapon .

We promised each other that even if something goes wrong , we would wait for each other for two years , wait and wish for everything to rectify themselves , wait for each other to return . I spent the next two years doing the same . Life , once again was in a black-and-white mode . My brain smiled all along but my heart wept . Its been over two years now . Somehow I was getting along with my monotonous life when this happened . It was 2′o clock in the morning . My eyes were fixed at the text message which said ” Sorry ” .  My brain and my heart were once again fighting . I was not sure how to react . I was just sitting there , staring at my cell phone , wondering if I was once again dreaming ………….